Joan Does Joan

Joan Crawford in Letty Lynton sparked a fashion trend with this dress:

And in 1986, another fantastic Joan seemingly paid homage to Miss Crawford with this updated number:


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Alexis: Style Queen

Just one of Alexis Dexter’s fabulous headpieces.

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Great Moments In Bitchdom: Veda Pierce

Veda: Why do you think I went to all this trouble? Why do you think I want money so badly?

Mildred: All right, why?

Veda: Are you sure you want to know?

Mildred: Yes!

Veda: Alright, I’ll tell you. With this money I can get away from you.

Mildred: Veda…

Veda: From you and your chickens and your pies and your kitchens and everything that smells of grease! I can get away from this shack with its cheap furniture, and this town and its dollar days, and its women that wear uniforms and its men that wear overalls.

Mildred: Veda, I think I’m really seeing you for the first time in my life and you’re cheap and horrible!

Veda: You think just because you made a little money you can get a new hairdo and some expensive clothes and turn yourself into a lady. But you can’t. Because you’ll never be anything but a common frump whose father lived over a grocery store and whose mother took in washing. With this money I can get away from every rotten stinking thing that makes me think of this place or you!

*Veda runs off*

Mildred: VEDA!

Mildred: Give me that check!

Veda: Not on your life!

Mildred: I said give it to me!

Mildred: Get out Veda. Get your things outta this house right now before I throw them into the street and you with them. Get out before I kill you!

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Best Dressed Bitch

A taste of things to come. A triple header of glamour and style.

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Best Dressed Bitch

Nothing else needs to be said. Exquisite.

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Happy Birthday To A Very Special Magnifcent Bitch!

Madonna! How I love thee. The musical queen of Magnificent Bitches!

To celebrate (teehee) the big day, let’s have a look at some of The Queen’s bitchiest lyrics (along with some favourite photos of course).

If you’re afraid, well rise above, I only hurt the ones I love.

Which leg do you want me to break?

Noone ever takes what’s mine.

You think you’re so much better than me, but your actions speak louder than words

And how can we forget Human Nature. It contains a line that sums up all I love about Madonna and her attitude: I’m not you’re bitch, don’t hang your shit on me

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Top Ten TV Bitches: Continued

5. Linda Gray as Sue Ellen Ewing. Dallas’s queen of the drunks. Not always a bitch, Sue Ellen’s claws only came out whenever tormented by her bastard husband JR. Which admittedly was quite a lot. Turning to the bottle as it was often her only friend, Sue Ellen could be a sharp tongued harpy. As evidenced here:

Sue Ellen eventually conquered her alcoholism, but drunk bitchy Sue Ellen was so much fun to watch. Have another drink Sue…

4. Rue McClanahan as Blanche Devereaux. “What?!” You cry! Blanche wasn’t a bitch! Oh but she was. The self proclaimed youngest and prettiest of The Golden Girls, Blanche was a delight to watch as she tore strips off her roommates, all with a charming smile on her face.

The prime example of Blanche’s enjoyable bitchiness came when Dorothy begins working with her and is asked to organise an event in Blanche’s honour. Suspicious and jealous of Dorothy’s seeming taking over Blanche’s duties, she greets Dorothy with a classic putdown in her exquisite southern accent.

Dorothy: Hi Blanche

Blanche: Eat dirt and die, trash.


3. Heather Locklear as Amanda Woodward. Top dog at D&D Advertising, Amanda ruled the roost on Melrose Place with an iron fist. A straight shooter who took no prisoners, except poor stupid Allison. Amanda and Allison had better chemistry as bitter rivals than Amanda and any man on this show. (Included here is a video featuring Amanda at her best…or is it worst?)

Watch from 1.40 as Amanda pulls the rug out from under temporary president of D&D Allison’s feet and takes command of what is rightfully hers.

Amanda wasn’t the only bitch Heather Locklear played. In the 80s, she played Sammi Jo on Dynasty. The poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks thrust into the glamourous world of the Carringtons was a character you flat out hated. Scheming and doing what she needed to get to the top, Sammi Jo was the perfect character for Heather to first exercise her bitch muscles.

Two awesome Heather videos charting her ascent to bitchdom:

Initially scheduled to place at number five on the list, these visual reminders pushed Amanda up the bitch rankings, which she’d be no doubt pleased with.

Still to come, the top two bitches. As well as the honourable mentions.

Posted in Blanche Devereaux, Dallas, Golden Girls, Heather Locklear, Melrose Place, Sue Ellen, TV Bitches | Leave a comment